Is Making Friends Overrated?

A self-proclaimed social butterfly, I loved making friends as a kid. Bring on the friendship bracelets, the BFF gear and the sleepovers that made it feel like water was thicker than blood. Friends made you feel seen, supported and honestly, are a core part of my best memories. Then why do I absolutely hate making friends now?

I still have the same desires and feelings about friendship in general - the camaraderie, the endless laughter, the chisme exchanges. Something has changed though. Is it where I live? Is it my age? Is it my own expectations? I’m trying to narrow it down, but in the scientific method that is life, the hypothesis is the same - making friends now sorta sucks.

There was a simplicity in having friends when you were younger that fades with age. In middle school, you could bond over a love of Punk’d on MTV, and that would suffice. It takes so much more than that now. We overly analyze who they date (and what it says about them), what their political views are and if they still blast R. Kelly. To those that ask, do those things really matter? Sadly yes.

Deep down, I wish I didn’t care about people’s opinion on the LGBTQ+ Community, but unfortunately, people’s morals really impact my desire to associate with them.

The ability to separate or compartmentalize people from their views on key topics is such a foreign concept to me that I can barely wrap my mind around it. If you are one of those people, share your tips in the comment section below, I need ‘em. This is where my feelings on making friends lies now - its too complicated with far too many screening processes involved. But, if I don’t screen them, how do I know who I’m talking to is a safe space? I can’t know one without the other, and the fear is that if I mis-read the room, my own words will become a double-edged sword.

Then there’s the geography component. I learned to make friends in Miami, and if you’re not super familiar with the geography breakdown, Charlotte is quite different than Miami. The basis of what I learned on how to bond and connect is fundamentally different - ask Charlotteans whose arms I’ve grazed when meeting them who look at me like I’m unhinged, and that’s pre-Covid.

I’ve still tried, forever an optimist. I have had some successes, but they were few and far between - and for those people, I’m extra thankful. I’ll continue trying, but with cautious optimism, trying to not get my hopes up for what may not pan out for me. I would love to meet and seamlessly mesh with a group of friends, or the girl that I can call and have come over that same night with a milkshake and fries just because. I’m getting closer, but I worry I won’t ever get there again. Am I asking for too much? The more I think about it, maybe making friends isn’t the issue, maybe its the fear and avoidance of being let down that is. Until then, I’ll keep putting myself out there and hope I cross paths with someone as hopeless about it as I am - that should bond us as well as any Ashton Kutcher middle school crush would have, I’m sure.